Stranger Than Fiction
by ImJudyGarland
Summary: New Girl that skirts up to the tippy edge of a OUAT crossover, without actually going over. One shot venting my frustrations with the whole keeping Nick and Jess apart thing this season. Nick and Jess get together and get into it all right here in this little one shot. Breaking fourth wall, all kinds of fun stuff :)


**Unbeta'd, virtually unproofread little on shot that just I wrote tonight to get out some of my frustrations with New Girl lately. And also just for fun! Review if you like :)**

"Hey Nick?"

"Yeah Jess?"

"What have you been up to lately? I feel like I haven't seen you for, like, 8 months."

"Right? We broke up, went on a strange abbreviated cruise with all of our friends, and then... then what?"

"Wow, I'm really not sure, Nick."

"Well there was that one time we sat on a man's toilet at a wedding and talked for about 3 1/2 minutes."

"Oh yeah. And then we talked briefly during the whole micro-penis bet scandal."

"Mmhmm. Yes. And Thanksgiving. Was that you? Talked to someone on the roof about Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

"Did we? That day was a little fuzzy. Can't remember a lot of it."

"Well, hmm. Have I been drinking more than usual? Maybe we've just been perpetually drunk for months?"

"Possible. That giant Captain Morgan we got from Winston for Christmas is long gone."

"Aaaand, I alway seem to be out of beer. Weird? I think so."

"Well I know you've been seeing Tran's granddaughter, I didn't dream that did I?"

"No, no. Not a dream. She's been around. She seems to be taking after her grandpaps by not speaking very much these days. She didn't say one word at Winston's police academy graduation."

"Interesting. And I've been hanging with one of my employees, but he's basically just recreational eye candy."

"I can see that. Handsome dude. Some kind of accent right? Australian?"

"Yeah. Or maybe Scottish, or Irish? I can't keep track anymore."

"Yep, too much work keeping lists these days. Just doing my thing. Working at the bar, eating a lot of take out. Trailing Winston on his rounds. They still call me Pepperwood, you know"

"Right, right...who's they?"

"What? I don't know. Them. The people."

"What people?"

"Uh...you know! The people. The ones who run the brags."

"You mean blogs?"

"Yeah, right. That's what I said."

"So we still live together right? I'm not making that up am I?"

"No. At least I think not. I'm still in the loft. You?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Good old 4D."

"Hmm. Strange we don't cross paths. Especially in such close quarters."

"I know! It's almost like some omniscient story teller suddenly decided to separate us and give us separate story lines. Like on a movie or a tv show. Ever seen that Will Farrell movie Stranger Than Fiction?"

"Don't think so."

"Well, Emma..somebody, was writing a book and this guy, Will Farrell, was living it without her knowing about it."

"Okay.."

"So they met and she decided to help him get his life, or story, right."

"Huh. Crazy."

"So. What dya think?"

"What do I think about what?"

"About my theory?"

"Your theory? You mean you think we're in some movie or story, and some lady is writing our lives? Kinda far fetched Nick."

"I don't know, Jess. Maybe not. Could explain a lot of the crazy stuff that goes on around here."

"Like what stuff?"

"Oh, I don't know..like Schmidt dating a sister you've never mentioned before, who by they way has vanished just as quickly as she appeared."

"I have a sister?"

"Uh, yeah. Annie? Allie?"

"Allie! Right! I know her. She um..she...ahhh. What was I saying?"

"Dunno, already forgot. But back to the weird stuff. What about Winston running a cat orgy in his bedroom or CeCe quitting a lucrative modeling career to bartend. And what about Coach. First he was here, then he was gone for a while, and now he's inexplicably living with us all over again."  
>"I know! And what about Schmidt moving out, moving back in and actually agreeing to share a bedroom with you with a relatively low incidence of conflict. I mean, did you see any of season one?"<p>

"Season one of what?"

"What?"

"You just said season one. What did that mean?"

"I..I just...I don't knoooow Nick. My brain is shutting down. But...maybe you're right. Maybe we are in some television program run by a seemingly brilliant yet misguided show runner who, well, maybe has kind of lost her way a little bit."

"That sounds pretty accurate to me."

"Right. So..what do we do?"

"Well, what about that other tv show you watch on Sunday night? Happily Ever After, or something?"

"What about it?"

"Well, the other night I couldn't sleep and I finally watched the finale of Breaking Bad and I'm already all caught up on the last season of How I Met Your Mother. So..I sort of watched an episode of your show."

"Nick! That is so cool! You should have woke me up, I would have gotten you all caught up on the story. You are actually a romantic at heart, Nick Miller, I think you'd really get super into it. That could be our new thing! We watch HEA together every week!"

"Whoa, Jessica. Slow down. Not sure I wanna jump into twisted fairytale land right now, I'm just trying to make a point here."

"Which is?"

"Well, that dark haired lady with the pouty red lips was talking about how their lives were all written in a storybook. And she was sad and frustrated that she never got a happy ending in her life. Sound familiar?"

"The Evil Queen! YES. She was such a total bitch to start with, ruining everyone else's happy endings. Now she's on track and trying to make amends."

"Exactly. And what did she and her son decide to do in their little Operation Mamba # 5?"

"YES! Operaton Mongoose! Henry decides to help her find true love and happiness."

"And how are they doing that?"

"THEY FIND THE AUTHOR!"

"Exactly. We just need to find out who the author of 4D is, and we straighten this whole mess out once and for all. It really sucks that we haven't hung out in so long. Something needs to be done."

"Nick that's..dare I say, BRILLIANT."

"Thank you, thank you. I do what I can."

"So, where do we start?"

"Well, on the show there's a book. So, we find the book, or script for 4D and then we go from there."

"Okay, great! But uh, Nick? Where do we find it?"

"Over there."

"Over where?"

"Over there. You know. There. See that wall over there that we always kind of ignore?"

"You mean the fourth wall?"

"Yeah. That one. We always just sort of pretend it's not there. I even forget most of the time. So, we go there in that..general area, and then we're on our way."

"Okay, so...now?"

"Yeah. Now. You coming?"

"Yeah. I'm in, Nick! I'm taking your hand. We're going over there. Together. Me and You. Nick and Jess. Pepperwood and Knight. I'm all in! You?"

"All in, Day."


End file.
